Normally, I’m a sunny kind of girl by nature, so please forgive a less upbeat post once in a while. Because I have a confession to make.
I am NOT loving running at the moment.
I am not actually even LIKING running at the moment.
I LOVED running with my friends in Pleasanton last week. I loved running with my boys the other weekend. But apart from that, running has been pretty dreadful over the past few weeks. The past four or five runs I’ve done on my own have been grim from start to finish. Every footstep has felt like hard work, and I’ve had to really talk sternly to myself to finish it properly. Not a single solo run has been remotely pleasurable for a few weeks now.
I know that, since Kaiser in February, as my amount of free time has diminished, my running has stepped back considerably. I’ve gone from running 5 times per week to running 3 times per week, and clearly that has had an effect. I get that.
Being honest, I’m still eating like I’m training hard, and I’ve put a few pounds on. According to the scale, it’s only 3 pounds, which I appreciate is NOTHING, but when you’re short, it’s actually quite a lot. My waist feels thicker. My bottom feels wider and I feel like the front of my torso is flabby and soft. A lot of it is stretched skin from when I carried an enormous child…but a lot of it is simply flab.
When you put together some additional weight and less overall running, you end up with just blerch! When I run, I feel heavy, slow and uncomfortable. It’s just hard work. Nothing feels smooth. I do not enjoy running, right now.
But I WANT to enjoy it. I keep thinking back to a race I did on Angel Island last April (ie. 2014) which is the last time I think I felt awesome when running. I was fit. I was (relatively) agile and (relatively) good at hills due to consistent training on hilly trails at Edgewood. I remember flying down the trails feeling like Emelie Forsberg and just grinning inside like a crazy girl.
I have had good runs since then, MANY of them, but I keep thinking back to that moment and wishing I could have it back.
I’m hoping that you might appreciate a bit of honesty instead of me being all ‘Running Bloggery’ and saying ‘Ooh, running is always rainbows and sunshine’ Sometimes, running is awesome and sometimes, it isn’t. At the moment, for me, it isn’t!
So this is what I am going to do about it.
1) Accept that there are good weeks running and bad weeks running and just suck it up!
2) Clean up my diet. Again.
3) I’m cutting out alcohol for the month of June apart from a wedding party on the 20th where there might be champagne. I never turn down champagne, on principle.
4) I’m actually considering reintroducing some meat into my diet. I have been vegetarian for two years now (with some fish, so officially pescetarian) but lately my tummy’s been not right and I just don’t feel awesome. I’m not ill (don’t panic Mum if you read this) but something isn’t right and maybe I just need a bit of steak. I’m LOATHE to do this, I really love being vegetarian, I LOVE vegetarian food and meat no longer appeals to me…but I’ve lately been wondering if my lentils, nuts, greek yoghurt, black beans and protein powdered smoothies just aren’t cutting it. (Any thoughts, guys?)
5) I’m going to cycle more, as you know, and hope that taking the pressure off running as my ‘only sport’ might help.
6) I’m going to keep running because I’m committed to it but I’m going to run without a watch for the rest of June. EEEK….even writing that makes me shiver inside.
7) I’m going to TRY to get to the trails a little more often. Due to my schedule, this isn’t easy but the trails are usually an injection of joy into my running even when I’m not suffering from Loss Of Mojo.
8) I’m going to go hunting for my abs. They are there somewhere. I want them back.
I’m unlikely to get those abs, so I think the following pic basically sums up my current abs and the abs I’m after.
At the end of this potentially miserable, First-World-Problemy post…anyone got any experience of losing the joy of running, and how did you get it back?? Thanks :).