On Saturday, I’m running the Hellyer Half Marathon. It’s my goal half-marathon for the year and I’m aiming for a PR of 1.52 (my current PR is 1.53.57).
I have never felt so un-psyched for a race before in my entire life.
It’s mainly to do with the short time gap between the Bay Breeze 10k and this race. I was SO focussed on Bay Breeze, it was all I thought about (relating to running, obviously). It was the goal of all my training…with ‘ooh, and Hellyer’ tacked on the end of everything.
(Note to self/others. Don’t have two goal races a fortnight apart. At least a month!)
I have also had a very poor two week’s training since Bay Breeze. In the glow of success, I have missed two training runs. I tried to do a 12 mile long-run this Wednesday with some tempo miles thrown in but my legs were aching for some reason and I felt like the run was doing more harm than good, so I cut it short after 9 lacklustre miles, hoping that two day’s rest would make things magically better before the race. It’s unlikely. I have definitely lost the fitness edge that I had just two weeks ago.
More than that though, my head hasn’t been in the race. The forecast is wet and rainy. The course is long, straight and potentially quite boring. This week, part of me has wanted to drop out, part of me has wanted to run it for fun. I have been mentally switching off.
And then, I thought NO.
I am NOT switching off. I am switching ON.
I am going to run this race with every once of power I can muster up from my legs and I am going to do my darndest to PR.
- I am going to talk myself into running this race properly. I am going to talk away the doubt and the laziness and the voice inside that has already defeated me.
- I may have mucked up the past two week’s training, but two weeks ago I was flying and I haven’t lost as much fitness as I think I have.
- I am at least as fit as I was before San Francisco last year.
- If I am going to run 13 miles in the rain, it will NOT be for fun, it will be for a PR!
- I have paid good money to run this race. It is NOT a fun-run, it is a PR attempt.
- If I’m getting up at an ungodly hour (and getting my child up too), then I am not doing this for fun but to PR.
- I am not running a flat, straight, tree-lined course for fun as it will likely be boring. I am running it to do a job. To PR.
- I will be chanting my mantras inside my head all the way round. ‘How bad do you want this?’. ‘Baby or Warrior?’.
- If I PR as planned, I don’t have to try to PR again this year. I will have ticked all the boxes.
- If I PR, I’m going to treat myself to a massive canvas print that I want for our bedroom. (Carrots work better for me than sticks.)
I clearly can’t guarantee a PR. However I can flipping guarantee that I will be running it with the goal of PR-ing. I will not wear a watch, because when I realised I wouldn’t PR at Half Moon Bay, I mentally switched off and I don’t want to do that again. I would love to blog on Monday with a shiny new PR to tell you all about, but actually I would rather love to blog on Monday with pride in a job well done and the peace that comes from having done all I could.
I am summoning up every inch of Fighter Girl inside me and trying to quash Sofa Girl. I am going out there to fight and to run my best. Whether or not that is enough, I can’t say. But at least I will know I’ve given it my best shot.
Wish me luck.